The Relationship Compass – Should You Be Headed Into or Out of Your Relationship

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The only investors staying the course are those with a broken compass.”

— from an ad for BNY Mellon

When I saw this ad it immediately made me think about people who enter and/or stay in unhealthy, unhappy relationships. Some people seem to have a broken Relationship Compass. They enter relationships with people they shouldn’t be with or they stay in relationships they shouldn’t stay in. Let’s look at some of the reasons this happens.

The family that you grew up in might have set a model for relationships that isn’t a good model. It could be a family where there was violence, hostility, intimidation, alcoholism, etc. If this is what you grew up with, then this is what you might consider “normal” or inevitable. If that’s the case, then you could tolerate, accept, or expect such unhealthy things to exist in your own relationships.

The culture that you grew up in could have taught you to expect or tolerate things that shouldn’t exist in a healthy relationship — like sexism, alcoholism, violence, etc. In this case, even if you recognize what’s wrong, you may consider those things the “natural” or inevitable components of relationships.

The family or culture that you grew up in might have told you that leaving relationships is unacceptable, intolerable, unforgivable, or immoral. In this case, even if you figure out that the relationship is a bad place to be, you may believe that you must not or cannot leave it.

Cultures in which obedience or submission are values, particularly in women, give the intentional message that the vows are unconditional, and that there is no justification ever for terminating them, since decision-making isn’t within your power.

Cultures or religions in which the vows are considered unconditional compacts make it clear that terminating a relationship is unacceptable without exception. This can be a moral or religious issue where there is never a justification for “breaking a solemn promise”.

Families sometimes say, explicitly, things like, “You made your bed; now lie in it.” In this case the belief is that choices are irrevocable and that mistakes are uncorrectable. There is even a message, explicit or implicit, that you should be punished for having made a mistake.

There could be compelling reasons to stay even if you feel it’s an unhealthy place to be.

If you believe (accurately or erroneously) that you can’t support yourself or your children if you leave a bad relationship, you may feel you must stay. This consideration sometimes trumps any consideration for the toxic quality for you or your children of remaining permanently in an unhealthy situation.

If you fear retribution if you even attempt to leave, then staying may feel safer than leaving. Even with the increasing availability of sanctuaries for people who leave abusive situations, not everyone is convinced that safety can be ensured if they leave.

If you fear that you will be rejected by extended family, friends, or society if you leave, you may stay because you fear ostracism from your support system. It can feel safer, and even more comfortable, to remain in an unhealthy situation and retain your social network than it would be to leave and be isolated socially.

Sometimes people believe that the natural course of relationships involves phases during which the relationship is not good or positive and that this is just the way it is, either temporarily or as a permanent evolution of the relationship.

If this is a temporary situation AND it is addressed by one or both partners, that’s not necessarily troublesome or a reason to consider exiting the relationship.

If it’s been an increasingly negative trajectory, this should not be assumed to be the natural course of relationships. Healthy relationships get BETTER over time, not worse. As partners mature and as they increasingly learn how to be better partners, healthy relationships grow stronger, more positive, and more loving. (Sometimes that’s because there was in fact a rough patch that they navigated in healthy and growthful ways.)

Serious relationships deserve serious consideration and substantial effort before they’re terminated. I am not advocating precipitous action to terminate a relationship because there’s a rocky moment or even problematic behavior or interaction.

I am suggesting that for some people, because of history, training, or personality, or because of fear, loyalty, or unreasoning hope, sometimes the Relationship Compass points IN when it should, more self-respectfully, point OUT.

Effective Communication The Key To Successful Conflict Resolution In A Long Distance Relationship

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Long distance relationships are not immune to the conflicts that occasionally rare up in all forms of human interactions. The first time that a conflict occurs between a couple in a long distance relationship, they are likely to get alarmed wondering whether the conflict could be a signal that their relationship is headed for the rocks. After all, long distance love relationships are delicate, or arent they?

Well, the occurrence of a conflict in a relationship in which the partners are separated by distance doesnt necessarily signal the beginning of the end for that relationship. How well your long distance relationship survives the conflicts that come its way depends to a very great extend on how you handle the conflicts and attempt to resolve them.

There are three keys to successful conflict resolution in long distance relations (as in all relationships indeed), namely communication, communication and communication.

Communication has variously been described as the bridge that bridges the chasm that is human misunderstanding. Now a common thread that runs in all conflicts that affect human interactions is a feeling that one is not being understood, or that ones point of view is being looked down upon. And petty as these feelings sound on paper, they can actually be very painful when it is you who is experiencing them. But whatever the cause of conflict in a long distance relationship, and whatever the emotional feelings underlying it, you (either as the party who has been wronged or as the allegedly at-fault party) will have to communicate properly with other party to the long distance relationship, if your conflict is to have an amicable resolution.

Communication as used in conflict resolution basically means making an effort to see things from the other partys point of view, even if you dont accept with that point of view. Once you can communicate to the other party that you are seeing things from their point of view (or at least making an attempt to), then you would be in a position to put your own point of view across to them with a greater chance of success. And once you can see things from the other partys point of view, and the other party can see things from your point of view, you have a better chance of finding a midpoint or a compromise position between your points of view on whatever issue happens to be the source of your conflict and thereby resolve the conflict amicably.

How To Win Your Boyfriend Back After A Fight Do It Before He Breaks Up With You!

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You can’t avoid fights in relationships because fighting it’s a part of it and there is nothing you can do. If you had a very serious fight with your boyfriend and right now you want to win him back but don’t know how don’t worry because I have 3 excellent tips for you to follow! Stay with me and keep reading

Break the ice first although we both know that men don’t have the patience to cut of the contact for too long, I wouldn’t advice you to test the limits right now because it’s not worth it! If you see he is still acting like a little child after 3 days, be the adult one and give him a call or sent him a text message to give him a sign you are open for contact!

Act like nothing happened even if you are hurt, swallow your pride and don’t show him you are bothered by what he said to you. Sometimes ignoring the fight is the best way to get over it, just open a new list and erase this bad day from your memory. Few days after getting back you can tell him he hurt you and I’m sure he’ll gladly apologize!

If you know you hurt him you have to be the first one to say you are sorry. Don’t let him wait too much because it will make him feel even worth. I know it will make you seem a little weak but that’s how relationships work sometimes you also have to apologize because you are not always right!

Moving Mountains Is Not Necessary – It Takes Only One Trick to Win Her Back

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Getting your girlfriend back may seem like the most challenging task on the planet. It doesn’t have to be though. Many men make it much more difficult than is required. You see, you’ve been led to believe, mostly in Hollywood movies and by the makers of fine jewelry, chocolate, and greeting cards, that this is the way it’s meant to be. That’s not the case at all.

In fact, once the girl leaves, the average relationship may seem irrevocably broken, but there are still easy suggestions you can follow that really can help you get her back. Below are a few things you should remember if you want to win her back.

Stop Living in the Past

Turn of the century American Author, Alice Morse Earle, once wrote: “Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That’s why it is called the present.” Living in relationship past robs both of you of all the joy of each day together when you’re in the relationship. Now that she has left, however, it can rob you of a very clear perspective on what needs to be done now in order to save the relationship and make it work this time around.

Become the Man You WANT to Be

This is hard for most men. It’s something you may not have given a lot of thought to. Bruce Willis starred in a great movie called The Kid, where the grown up man is confronted by his eight year old self. The eight year old was horrified at the man he’d become saying, “So, I’m forty, I’m not married, I don’t fly jets, and I don’t have a dog? I grow up to be a loser.”

Sometimes there is wisdom in those childhood echoes. You may have given up on the idea of flying jets (who really ever gives that one up though?), but that does not mean you can’t take measures to be the man you want to be — even though that does involve learning to fly a jet. The first step is deciding who you wish to be. Then you must handle the task of becoming that man.

How does that Help You Get the Girl?

Life doesn’t always follow a movie script. You might have to wait a little while to actually get her attention. But, once you start making real, notable changes in the man you are and stop looking to recapture a past that was not as picture perfect as you remember, you’ll be able to gain a new outlook on the future. One thing is certain. Once you become the man you WANT to be, the here and now, the PRESENT, is something she will WANT to be part of.

Be Leery Of The Problems In A Scorpio Relationship

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If you have found yourself in a Scorpio relationship you better be prepared to be brave. Dont get me wrong, Scorpios are very loyal and can make wonderful companions, but in the heat of things when times might be tough you may end up being the one who gets fiercely stung.

Scorpios love to be the one controlling their environment and are the take charge kind
of person in any relationship. So you have to be tough and not give in on everything they want. You must understand a Scorpio’s nature and then you will know why they seem to want to take the lead with everything that is going on.

This does not mean you cant feel the need to ever take charge of anything. You will need to bravely express yourself when you want to do so. In this way you will actually win your Scorpio’s admiration, because aside from being natural leaders themselves, they also love it when someone else shows moxie and drive. Scorpios may want to take over everything but they lack determination and toughness many times. Show that and you can get on their good side.

Scorpios are attracted to a challenge, so it is wise for you to play hard to get sometimes. Just dont go overboard as they may eventually think you are not interested in them, and that would be a turnoff for them.

You dont want to heat things up too much in a relationship with a Scorpio, but you do want to keep it interesting enough to keep them excited. Assert yourself at times but not overly so. Scorpios are not necessarily aggressive so they like to win people over by diplomatic means more often. If you are too resistant to them too often, it will cause an argumentative relationship.

On a positive side Scorpios are usually generous partners and good loyal companions. They may even be slow to temper. But this sign of the sun person will get madly temperamental if pushed too long. It will not be a pretty sight when a Scorpio finally does get angry. They may seethe beneath their skin for a long time.

Some, but not many, Scorpios are of the forgiving type. This means if you mess up your relationship with them they most likely will hold a grudge for along time, if not forever. After a breakup if you were to talk to them again they usually will bring up all the wrong things you did that ended the relationship. You will feel like the entire breakup was your fault. Scorpios usually find it hard to forget and forgive.

One frustrating Scorpio tendency that you may encounter is this. They may be stomping around angry and you may have no clue what is wrong. When you ask what the problem is they may respond, “Can’t you figure it out?” This is just them assuming you know what has been on their mind.

If you have broken up with a Scorpio but manage to win him or her back you should keep in mind their personality. A Scorpio will assume you should be able to read their thoughts in every situation. Keep that in mind, and all the things in this article, when dealing with them if you want the relationship to work.

The only way to make things easier in this relationship situation is to let your Scorpio partner know that they need to communicate better when something is on their mind. Let them know you are not a mind reader. On your part you will have to be a very good listener and observer. You’ll need the ability to second-guess potential problems. If your Scorpio is not willing to work with you in your relationship it will be hard to get it to work out in the long run.