Toxic people makes everybody around them feel ill. They always take energy and never gives any back. Why would anybody stay in a relationship with somebody like this? More importantly, how do you know that you are in a toxic relationship? Here are five deadly signs.

1) Your partner thinks nothing of it to put you down in front of other people.

2) Even though your partner still says they love you, their actions say differently.

3) You partner allows you no free space – examples are checking your emails, “coincidentally” going out to the same place than you and your friends.

4) Your partner tries to make themselves the center of your life.

5) You have changed things about yourself to keep them happy.

A toxic relationship can be divided into three clear, repeating cycles. First there is the honeymoon phase, followed by a major fallout, followed be reconciliation… and then rinse and repeat.

The danger lies in the fact that when you first meet a new partner you are always in the honeymoon stage. It’s not until they have sucked you into their world sufficiently that you realize you are dealing with a toxic relationship. At this point it’s much more difficult to get out.

One reason for toxic relationships is that many people grow up in similar homes. They simply mimic what has been deeply rooted in their being without even knowing it. Other people believe they do not deserve happiness, so no one does.

The first step of getting out of this abusive environment is to just realize that you have a choice! A lot of people tend to stay in bad relationship because of low self-esteem, but you should now that you deserve the best.

Once you realize that you do not need to take this, the next step is standing up for yourself. In manipulative relationship your partner will have made you believe that everything is your fault. When you actually buy into this it can be very difficult to break free from it again.

The great news is that I have seen many people including myself being able to break the cycle of these toxic relationships.

Some leave to start a new, healthier relationship. Others manage to repair the damage done and have a very happy relationship.

The fact of the matter is that almost all relationships can be saved. Sometimes all you need is a little space. If both partners take an active role in saving the relationship, it is possible to get back to a relationship filled with more love than the day you met.

The first thing you have to make your own is to try and repair the relationship or else you are walking away. This makes for you not being needy at all which is a great way to get your partner to appreciate you again.

Once you are free of the shackles that this toxic relationship had on you, you can start connecting with your partner on a real level again. Without nagging, make it clear what you want like “I need you to support me”, “I need your love” etc. If you do not get what you need, make sure your partner knows that you are willing to walk away.

A healthy relationship comes from both ways. In a toxic relationship your partner is always just taking and never giving. You have the power to change that, but you have to take it into your own hands to make it happen.

One of the basic rules of parenting is that parents should spend enough time with their children. This is the way for parents to show that they are o their children.
The children, in turn, would feel love, and a strong parent-child relationship develops that is mutually beneficial.

Having said that, it is sad to note that most parents do not spend enough time with the childen. This is evident especially in urban areas where parents are too busy to spend much time with the children.

The main reason is, of course, parents’ work commitments especially in these hard times. In most households both parents work to support the family. Often, this is necessary because of the high cost o living. In other cases, mothers opt for a career as they find the role of a home maker too restricting. When parents get too occupied with their careers, there’s certainly less time available to be with their children.

It is true that parents work hard with the aim of providing a better life for the family, but they seem to forget that material comforts alone cannot make a child happy. They need love and emotional guidance. They take for granted that the children are happy because they have provided them with a comfortable life.

What can parents do in order to spend more time with the family? Parents can start by rescheduling their activities with the aim of spending more time at home. Maybe they could avoid working overtime unless absolutely necessary.

ChungSiew

AmbatchMasterPublisher
ambatchpublishermaster.blogspot.com

If your significant other has started pulling away from, has become distant, stopped having sex with you, or has outright informed you they want to break up, you’re not as bad off as you think you are.

Couples fight, break up and get then get back together all the time.

If you’re in a position where your partner wants to break up, but you want to stay together, then the following relationship saving tips below, might just get you back in the saddle again.

Tips For Stopping Your Break Up or Lover’s Rejection:

1. If you were too clingy in your relationship, back off. Leave them alone, completely. Let them have their space, or the freedom they think they’ve been missing. They’ll soon become real curious as to why you backed off altogether, and will be drawn back to you to find out why. When they do call, or come back around, play it cool and agree with their position of wanting space. Acknowledge that you were too possessive and that you’ve realized that acting in such a manner was not only unhealthy to the relationship, but it was becoming unhealthy to you as well. When they begin to think you’re the one pulling away, watch how they magically want you back in their life again.

2. If you didn’t show enough emotion or caring in your relationship, do something surprising. Send them a genuinely touching message with some flowers, or in a card. The trick here is to be ‘genuine’. If they smell insincerity at all, your efforts will be wasted. Don’t make it too mushy or too long. Acknowledge that you realize how insensitive you were and reassure them that they are the most amazing person to ever step into your life. Once you send that message out, back off. Don’t call, don’t send another message, don’t stalk. Your partner will be curious why you disappeared and they’ll come calling for you soon enough.

3. If you were lazy in your relationship, you better figure that out and become un-lazy somehow. No one likes, or wants a lazy, unmotivated slob for a partner. If you’ve become overweight, unkept (appearance wise), don’t work, don’t help out in any capacity, or you were even lazy in the bedroom, be surprised they didn’t leave you before now. It’s in your best interest to get some straighten up in your life. The next time your partner calls, you better be doing something active and worthwhile. You need to shock them with whatever you’re doing now. You have to come across as different in their eyes, or else they’ll continue to see you as that lazy, unfortunate person they’ve come to despise and they’ll keep moving further away from you.

4. If you were too much of a go-getter in your relationship, take it down a notch when it comes to your partner. You may have pushed them too hard, too many times. Ease up on your partner, not everybody has a high level of drive and determination. The next time they call and want to know what you’re doing, make sure that you’re engaged in something low key, something you wouldn’t normally be thought of doing. Like tip #3, you need to shock partner so they get curious as to why you’re acting so differently now that they aren’t around. When they inquire as to why you’re doing what you’re doing, inform them that you realized what a pain in the rear you’ve been and you thought it was time to take it down a notch. They’ll become curious and you’ll see them come around again.

5. Sex. If you weren’t having too much of it, or you were trying to have too much of it, this is something else you better figure out. Sex is a huge part in every relationship, but sex is on a different level for each individual. If you were the one who didn’t want to have sex because you were never in the mood, you better go see a doctor and find out why. If you were trying to have sex all the time, understand that your partner may not be as motivated to have sex with you all the time, so it’s best you find out why. There are many reason why a partner doesn’t want to have sex and those reasons don’t always have to do with you. Become more understanding of your partners needs. If you want them back and want to keep them, pressuring is the last thing you want to do to them, especially with something as sensitive as sex. The next time you two get together, do the opposite of whatever you used to do. If you never wanted to have sex, you better get in the mood real fast and throw yourself erotically on to them. If you were too pushy in the past, don’t even bring it up. Let sex come naturally. If you genuinely love your partner, then you’ll feel compassionate about their feelings and act accordingly.

If you are in the early stages of a break up, let’s say, the past few days, even a week; then the following are a few tips that you must follow exactly, or else you’re dead in the water:

1. Stop communication. If you keep calling, texting, sending notes, contacting their friends and family, then you’re not giving them a chance to miss you. I realize it’s difficult and you feel like you’re going to die without them, but whatever you do, don’t contact them directly, or indirectly anymore until they initiate the contact with you. When they don’t hear from you anymore, they’re going to become real curious as to why.

2. Keep communication brief. When your partner does call again, keep the contact short. Don’t speak with them more than 10 minutes and then casually remove yourself to take another call, or because you simply have to go. You never want to come across as needy and insecure, so always appear to have something else going on. Don’t act, or come across as arrogant, angry or insecure. These displays of emotions are a turn off and will guarantee that your partner won’t call again for a long while.

3. Take time out. Stop feeling sorry for yourself long enough to responsibly understand why your partner wants to break up. What did you say or do that made them want to jump ship right now? How have you been acting over the course of the relationship, that might answer why they chose to leave. Once you can reasonably understand the main motive for the detachment, then you can construct a game plan to adjust your position and start implementing a new life strategy, that will be more appealing to your partner.

4. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. The last thing that is going to help you, is acting like a depressed little cry baby. Not to mention, if your partner got wind that you were laying around pouting over the break up, that will only empower them. Use this time to be free to do what you want. Believe me, I know depression, it makes you feel like death is the only way to feel better. However, depression won’t get your partner back. Only a healthy confident ‘you’, has the power to attract your lover back in to your life.

The only true test to know if your partner will come back to you, is time.

Let your significant other have as much time as they need without contacting them, smothering them or pressuring them.

The two worst things you can ever do to a lover, is pressuring them and stressing them out. No pressure. No stress. Live by those two things alone and you’ve mastered half of the relationship game.

At the breakup of a long term relationship or marriage there are many who are still thinking to themselves, “I’m still in love with my ex.” This is common, so you are not alone in your thinking. You probably still have some hope that you can get them back. Even if things seem bleak right now and hope is little, it does not mean you cant get your ex back. Not only can you get them back, but the relationship can be stronger than ever. But, when you find that you are saying, “I’m still in love with my ex”, and you are longing to get your relationship back you will have to make it stronger if it has more of a chance to last.

Be careful in your anxiousness to get your lover back. For those impatiently declaring “I’m still in love with my ex” you may be too quick to turn back the hands of time. You may get what you ask for now, but if done incorrectly you may have the same final results that you experienced before.

The best place to begin is at ground zero. Take the time to figure out what mistakes were made in the previous relationship and also how the mistakes had an impact on the relationship. This will begin the process of building a stronger love than was present before. Starting all over again from scratch is the way to get back the one you love. You have to behave smarter this second time around, so tell yourself, “Yes, I’m still in love with my ex, but I want it to be better this time around.”

Let your renewed relationship happen naturally, and not in a contrived manor. Start up a friendship with your ex first, but take it slowly. If your ex feels that you are just trying to jump back into the relationship and things will be no different, than getting back together may not happen. It’s an age old saying, but if you are supposed to be together than it will happen.

You may experience a lot of crying and depression after your breakup but dont let your ex see it. Try your best to think positively as well. Most plans only succeed if you think positively. Acting depressed to your ex is more of a turn off than not. They probably would think “I dont want that in my life.” But, if they sense you are actually happy they will be curious as to what is going on, and re-think the breakup.

Ask yourself, “What type of person would I like to be with?” Would your ex like to be with that type as well? The majority of people want to hang around happy people who can create happiness in other’s lives too. That is the type of person you will want to be. Try to be someone that is in a good mood, can make others smile and can make a person feel they are wanted in life. Make your ex feel special to you.

You will be able to get your ex back and regain that love again if you can make yourself valuable to your ex. As well you want to make them feel needed by you. A balance of both is necessary. It is one thing to say, “I’m still in love with my ex”, but unless you take your time in building a stronger foundation than you had before you will not be able to get the love you had back as well as a stronger relationship.

Even though controlling relationships are almost universally considered to be negative and very undesirable, they are far more prevalant than people realize. They are primarily the by-product of children being raised in homes with one or more controlling parents, and/or a highly unstable environment due to negative events.

The person who is trying to do the controlling is almost always trying to compensate for the “out of control” nature of the environment they grew up in. Internal fears of life spiralling out of control plague people with regular control problems. Their context for life was set in childhood and they often continue living out of that paradigm even though it’s no longer relevant.

The unstable home environment could have been a result of an alcoholic parent(s), an absent workaholic parent(s), the breakdown of the marriage, or some form of physical or emotional abuse. If a parent withholds love and affection as a means of keeping the child under their thumb, this destructive behaviour can carry over into adult relationships and cause a lot of problems.

The person who chooses to marry or date the controller is doing so because of one or a combination of the following reasons. 1. This is what they grew up with and it’s what they’re accustomed to. Although it’s not pleasant, being controlled is strangely comfortable. 2. They are attempting to change the controller, to reform them. This is often done unknowingly. The unconcious intention is to try and repair a disappointing relationship they had with their parent(s). 3. Being in a relationship with a controller makes them look good, because when they measure their own behaviour against the controller’s, they look like their doing a pretty good job of running their life, even though they’re probably not. 4. As times life seems easier while in a relationship with a controller because the controller makes most if not all the decisions for both people. It gives them someone to blame when things don’t work out right because…they didn’t make the decision!?!?

There are a few things to consider if you are looking to steer clear of a controlling relationship.

1. If being controlled is what you are used to, what you grew up with, then it’s vital to realize that “you are not responsible for the environment you grew up in.” In dysfunctional homes, the children tend to take responsibility for the parent’s problematic behaviours. In controlling homes it’s common for the parent(s) to blame the child as a means of off loading responsibility and thus paralyzing the child. In order to drive it deep into your subconcious mind, I suggest you repeat that phrase over and over. “The environment you grew up in was not your responsibility, not your doing.” As importantly, “you are 100% response-able, able to respond, to your life as an adult.” You can learn the skills and run your life well without the need to have a controlling person manipulating you.

2. If it’s your intention to try and reform a controller….please stop. Trying to control something you have no control over is the best possible way to create insanity in an individual. The only control any of us have is over ourselves. We can gain tremendous increases in our sense of control over our own lives if we will spend our time working on our own hangups and misgivings. Efforts to correct a controlling person are really only futile attempts to control them.

3. As an attempt to cover up your lack of personal initiative, don’t hide behind a controlling person’s unhealthy actions to make yourself look good. Find a reason for living that brings joy to you and others. Do some research into your life purpose. Why are you here? We’ve most likely never met, you and I, yet I am quite sure you have abilities and gifts that can be used to make the world a better place to live.

4. Learn how to make decisions for yourself. Being in a relationship with a controlling person can be pretty terrific because they are more than happy to make most if not all the decisions. That seems to make things easy, except that you aren’t developing the habit of making good decisions. This step is primarily about your will and rarely about skill. “But I don’t know how!” you protest. You will learn. Bit by bit, day by day. The process of learning to make better choices is the same as learning any new skill, it gets better and better with more practice. Practice does not make perfect, but it sure makes life a lot more pleasant!